


funny you're the broken one (but i'm the only one that needed saving)

by whistlingwindtree



Series: The Umbrella Academy (Diego and Eudora) [5]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Break Up, Diego and Eudora are bad at relationships, F/M, Lovers to Friends, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2019-11-15 10:24:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18071630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whistlingwindtree/pseuds/whistlingwindtree
Summary: What happens when an insecure Diego stands up a self-conscious Eudora who dressed up for him? Hurt feelings that don't get soothed, till months later.





	1. Chapter 1

Diego Hargreeves considered himself an enlightened man, above the trappings of toxic masculinity. Discovering humanity in his Android mother while standing up to his abusive father, made him think outside the box.

But right now as he watched Eudora at the annual City Ball? He clenched his fists, resisting the urge to steal her away and carry her out on his shoulder so everyone knew she belonged to him. 

Detective Eudora Patch was his nemesis during the day because they were on different sides of the law. She usually wore comfortable pants, boots, and practical shirts, with her hair in a no-nonsense ponytail but tonight, she was as glamorous as his movie star sister who walked red carpets. Eudora's long dark hair was out,  parted at the side with a dainty ruby clip in a riot of curls, a sight that he thought was only reserved for him when they spent the night together. 

And her dress?

It was a lush crimson, in a fabric that begged for his touch with a slit practically up to her waist,  showing off her toned, long legs. She was laughing at a joke her dance partner made, shoulders shaking in mirth and head thrown back and Diego shrank back, his shoulders slumped. Jealously clawed his insides because she never laughed like that with _him_.  They'd had a date to meet that night,  but there was no way she'd want _him,_ a washed up hero who lived in a shitty room and didn't even know how to say the three little words that mattered the most.

He looked down at his clothes. It was his best turtleneck, with only two knife holes that he'd meticulously patched up, and black slacks and a jacket that he'd had since his Academy days. They didn't fit the same and panic seized him. He couldn't be seen with Eudora looking like this, he was going to embarrass her. 

"This is for the best, " he whispered, walking away as quickly as he entered, into the dark night. 

* * *

_**Hours later** _

Eudora's face hurt, feigning a smile and lying to everyone she met.

_"Nice to see you!"_

_"Sorry I haven't called!"_

_"Sure, let's get coffee!"_

She kept glancing at the time, and when it'd been three hours after Diego said he'd been there,  she made an excuse to leave. Diego  _obviously_ wasn't going to show. She shouldn't be disappointed - they were enemies with benefits- but she couldn't help the sadness. She was practical about her looks. She was always too thin and didn't smile enough to be considered traditionally pretty, but to impress him, she'd went all out tonight. She wore makeup and a red dress that highlighted her slight curves and made her feel sexy, and she'd spent a ridiculous amount of time at the salon to wear her hair out, something that Diego liked.

Shoulders slumped, and replaying the last conversation she'd had with Diego, Eudora made her way home. 

"You don't need to go to that City Ball with those pricks," he'd teased, the last time they'd met. "Come hang out with me."

"Hmm, fancy dress party with catered food, or Netflix and chill with pizza?" She'd pretended to think, cool on the outside, but nervous because they didn't have a label for their relationship. They bickered at crime scenes during the day and he fucked her senseless at night but never stayed. "What's in it for me?"

His gaze had heated and then softened "Everything is for you, Eudora." 

He'd said her name so tenderly, that she'd melted, and asked if maybe he could be her plus one.

"You're so stupid," Eudora spoke aloud as she slammed her car door harder than necessary and stomped into her apartment building.

To think she'd expected some fairy tale night with a man who routinely broke the law. 

* * *

 

"Had a good time?" 

Eudora screeched at the deep voice when she entered her apartment. It was Diego, sitting on her couch like he owned the place.

 "You stood me up." She let her simmering anger rise, so she wouldn't break down and cry. "Get out." 

"I'm supposed to believe you wanted me there?" Diego shot back. "In front of all your cop buddies?"

She stepped out her high heels resisting the urge to throw a shoe at him. "Did I not invite you?" She pursed her lips so she didn't add 'on a date'.

"Bet you won't make that mistake again," Diego muttered, folding his arms and turning away. "Listen. I'm only good for you when we f-"

"Oh no you don't," Eudora interrupted as she strode over into his line of sight. "You don't get to _play poor little Diego_  tonight." She placed her hands on her hips. "If you didn't want to go, _fine._ Just be upfront. You think I got money laying around to buy new clothes and get my hair done?" She sighed and lowered her voice. "I was worried, Diego. I thought if I left too early, you'd show and think I didn't wait." She sat next to him, awkwardly, not sure what to do. "Then I was freaking out something might have happened to you."

"I keep telling you, don't worry about me."

"I can't help how I feel." Eudora threw up her hands, exasperated. "And I still want an explanation why you didn't show up."

 "I did. Show up." Diego hung his head in shame. "But then I - uh- left." 

Eudora tilted her head, as she took in that information. "You came. Then left. Without me."

He nodded, and his jaw clenched.

Eudora waited for an apology, for an explanation, for anything, but he remained silent, his brown eyes wide and defiant, and his cheeks flushed.

"We're completely, utterly, _done._ Do you hear me?" she leaned forward, wanting him to protest, to argue, to lie, to show that he cared. 

"Took you long enough," Diego gave her a mock salute, and fixing his jacket, he walked out without a backward glance. 

* * *

_**Months later** _

No one could accuse Eudora of being unprofessional, Diego mused, as she politely directed him to leave her crime scene.

It had been six long months since that night at her apartment, and she'd been as cool as a cucumber with him, sticking to business. He was walking off to his car when his phone vibrated. It was Allison calling him.

" 'Sup," he answered the phone, still looking at Eudora. "Need me to take care of that asshole ex-husband of yours?"

 He didn't get to hear Allison's reply, because a stray bullet struck him, and the world went black so he didn't hear Eudora frantically shouting his name.


	2. Chapter 2

_**City Hospital, Surgical Trauma Unit** _

"Thanks for coming," Luther awkwardly nodded at Klaus, then patted Vanya's shoulder. "At such short notice."

"And miss the opportunity to draw a penis on Diego's face?" Klaus waggled his eyebrows. "I brought two permanent markers- "

"Do you know what happened?" Vanya got down to business. "Why was Diego shot?"

"He was in the wrong place at the wrong time," a new voice sounded. The siblings all turned towards the newcomer, a woman wearing a baby blue sweater with blood stains, and a badge.

"Detective Eudora Patch." She shook Vanya's hand first, then Luther's. Klaus folded his arms, and Eudora smiled tersely. "Diego isn't able to receive visitors right now-"

"We're his family," Luther growled.

"When are visiting hours?" Vanya was practical, and Eudora appreciated her conciliatory tone. She briefed them on Diego's condition- the bullet was taken out easily enough, and he was strong, so they expected a speedy recovery.

"How do you know Diego?" Luther asked suspiciously.

Eudora let a cool smile play on her lips. "We've met on the job."

"Diego's job is in that run down boxing club," Luther pressed. "And we all know what he does at night. Playing a superhero." He folded his arms, looking down at Eudora with cold eyes. "You work for the PD and you didn't put a stop to it? Are you the reason Diego got shot?"

Eudora's eyes widened, not expected to be attacked. "I-I-,"

"Guys?" Vanya interrupted, tapping Luther's bulky shoulder. "Where's Klaus?"

And never had Eudora Patch been more thankful that a junkie was loose in the hospital,  searching for oxycontin. 

* * *

 

_**Next evening** _

Diego groaned as he came to. His mouth felt like sand, it was so dry and he hurt all over. He tried to sit up, but a sharp pain sent him flat on his back.

"Take it easy," Eudora murmured, stepping to his side. "What do you need?"

"Water."

She held up a paper cup to his lips, and he thirstily guzzled the contents, not even embarrassed that half of what he drank dribbled from his mouth. 

"Gotta pee."

"I can walk you to the bathroom." Eudora used the edge of his sheet to wipe his mouth.  "You're on your own when you get inside."

Diego was too weak to tease her that there wasn't anything she hadn't seen before. He allowed her to lift him up, and they shuffled to the restrooms down the hall, leaning his weight on her.

"S-sorry," he murmured, before swaying towards the floor. It looked so white and shiny and comfortable. "Can I lay down?"

Alarmed, Eudora helped him into the family restroom and put up the seat, then steadied him so he could use it.

"I used to wet the bed," he slurred. "He used to beat me for it. Said I was filthy."

Eudora's breath caught, and anger bubbled up on Diego's behalf but she would be no good to Diego if she let it loose. 

"He's a liar," she turned away to give him some semblance of privacy. 

"I wish I had killed the bastard," Diego muttered, as he finished, and then flushed. "I hate him."

"He's dead."

"But I still hate him," Diego protested, as Eudora helped him scrub his hands clean. "He's evil."

"He's _dead,_ Diego," Eudora pulled paper towels from the dispenser. "If you keep hating him, you're keeping him alive." 

He must have not liked her lecture, because his face crumpled, and he fainted. 

* * *

**That night, in front of Diego's room. Eudora is keeping guard.**

Eudora narrowed her eyes as she took in all of Diego's siblings, her mouth pulling in a flat line when she met Luther's gaze. She didn't give a damn how big he was, or how he styled himself as the leader of the family, her loyalty was to Diego, despite their past.

She was Diego's family, too.

"Diego doesn't want visitors," she said firmly. "So, unless you have a Medical Power of Attorney, that's final."

"If I did, can I fill his prescriptions?" Klaus chimed in. 

"You stole my brother away from his room," Luther accused. "Then you needed my help to bring him back to the nurses' station-"

"He needed to use the bathroom, Luther," Allison said, looking weary. "It's not her fault he fainted."

"She's saying that our own brother doesn't want us!" Luther turned to Allison, aggrieved. "We're all he has."

"We don't want to cause trouble," Vanya hugged herself, as she watched Eudora with sad eyes.

"Look who's talking-" Luther growled.

 "This isn't about any of us." Eudora raised her voice. "It's about Diego, who is lying in that bed. Go home, and return tomorrow."

Her tone did the trick, and the siblings filtered out, though Luther shot her a dirty glance.

"Well that explains a lot about Diego," she murmured, watching their retreating backs. But she didn't miss Luther's guilty look, and the sadness in Allison and Vanya's eyes, and the way Klaus kept glancing back.

Just as they were to the elevator an impulse struck her. "Want me to text you how he's doing?"

Allison was the first to smile, and walk forward. "Sounds like a plan. Here's my personal phone number. And I'll give you my business cell just in case."

Eudora smiled back, glad that she made the right call.

* * *

When Diego was discharged days later, he was shocked that Eudora offered to take care of him. Well, she _ordered_ him. 

"You're not going back to your room. And you're not allowed in that mansion unless you're at full strength."

"I didn't know you cared, Detective Patch." Diego teased, hoping to deflect from how touched he was. She'd slung his duffel bag over her shoulder, and while he could've managed it, he liked her taking care of him. 

"No big deal." 

"I don't want to be a burden,"  he mumbled.

"You're a pain in the ass, but never a burden," Eudora said breezily. 

"Then why you won't even look at me?"

Eudora's eyes widened. What could she say? That the urge to reach over and fix his hair was making her nervous? That she wanted to touch his face, feel that he was real?

"I-" Their gazes locked, and her breath caught.  After days in the hospital, Diego had a full beard, something she'd never seen before, and his normally coiffed hair now lay flat, falling in his eyes. "I dunno."

"Sorry I got shot." Diego leaned down, and gingerly took her hand. "I didn't mean to."

 _His eyes are such a beautiful brown,_ Eudora thought.

"I chased the prick who did it. Arrested him and made sure he got booked for everything we could get him on."

"I love it when you talk dirty to me," Diego said, with a lopsided grin. 

"You need to rest," Eudora gave in and brushed his hair out his eyes. "You're talking crazy."

"Patch? You're a good friend."

Eudora's chest warmed, and tears prickled at the back of her eyes. She and Diego couldn't make it work, but knowing that maybe they could be friends? 

"Thanks," she blinked back tears and pretended to look for their cab, though it wouldn't be there for another ten minutes. 

* * *

 

By the time the cab arrived, Diego's eyes were closing down and he snuggled against her shoulder when it drove off, and soon he was lightly snoring with his mouth slightly open. 

He nuzzled against her, burrowing into her neck, and the jolt of heat when his beard scratched her tender skin was not friend-like. She drew him down to lay his head on her lap, like a child. He immediately started snoring louder, and Eudora had a moment of panic.

 _Don't be a dumb bitch,_ she berated herself. _Diego's woozy off painkillers. He'll be a jackass in the morning._ But still, she absently played in his hair, marveling at how soft it was despite not being washed.

They arrived at her apartment too soon, whilst Diego was fast asleep. 

"Make the block a few more times," she instructed the driver. 

"The meter's still running," the cabbie said. "Sure you don't wanna wake your man up?"

She shook her head. "He needs to rest."

_This is fine._

_This is what friends do._

_This is not falling in love again._

Eudora spoke to herself, as the city around her disappeared, and the only thing that mattered was the warmth of Diego as he laid on her, and the strong beat of his heart. 

A thought struck her, that she promised to keep his siblings abreast, and reluctantly, she shifted so she could get her mobile to send Allison a text. They'd been exchanging messages over the last few days, and Eudora appreciated the effort Allison adding cute emojis to her replies. 

 **Eudora:** _Diego is coming home with me. I took the next week off. He's all set, no need to worry._

 **Allison:** _Awesome! Thx! I'll let the others know. Let me know if you need anything!💕_

Eudora faltered, unsure whether to send a message back. Instead, she left it as is, and gently prodded Diego.

"Time to get up. We're here."

"We're home?" Diego slurred his words, still half sleep.

Eudora didn't hesitate. "Yeah, home." 

 

* * *

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Feedback welcome!


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